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The Deer Hunter

1:00 AMALARM CLOCK RINGS
2:00 AMHUNTING PARTNERS ARRIVE, DRAG YOU OUT OF BED
2:15 AMTHROW EVERYTHING EXCEPT KITCHEN SINK IN THE PICKUP
3:00 AMLEAVE FOR THE DEEP WOODS
3:15 AMDRIVE BACK HOME AND PICK-UP GUN
3:30 AMDRIVE LIKE HELL TO GET TO THE WOODS BEFORE DAYLIGHT
4:00 AMSET-UP CAMP - FORGOT THE DAMN TENT
4:30 AMHEAD INTO THE WOODS
6:05 AMSEE 3 DEER
6:06 AMTAKE AIM SQUEEZE TRIGGER
6:07 AM"CLICK"
6:08 AMLOAD GUN WHILE WATCHING DEER GO OVER THE HILL
8:00 AMHEAD BACK TO CAMP
9:00 AMSTILL LOOKING FOR CAMP
10:00 AMREALIZE YOU DON'T KNOW WHERE CAMP IS
NOONFIRE GUN FOR HELP-EAT WILD BERRIES
12:15 PMRUN OUT OF BERRIES, 3 DEER COME BACK
12:20 PMSTRANGE FEELING IN STOMACH
12:30 PMREALIZE YOU ATE POISON BERRIES
12:45 PMRESCUED
12:55 PMRUSHED TO HOSPITAL TO HAVE STOMACH PUMPED
3:00 PMARRIVE BACK IN CAMP
3:30 PMLEAVE CAMP TO KILL DEER
4:00 PMRETURN TO CAMP FOR BULLETS
4:01 PMLOAD GUN - LEAVE CAMP AGAIN
5:00 PMEMPTY GUN ON SQUIRREL THAT IS BUGGING YOU
6:00 PMARRIVE AT CAMP, SEE DEER GRAZING IN CAMP
6:01 PMLOAD GUN
6:02 PMFIRE GUN
6:03 PMONE DEAD TRUCK
6:05 PMHUNTING PARTNER RETURNS TO CAMP DRAGGING DEER
6:06 PMREPRESS STRONG DESIRE TO SHOOT PARTNER
6:07 PMFALL INTO FIRE
6:10 PMCHANGE CLOTHES, THROW BURNT ONES IN FIRE
6:15 PMTAKE PICKUP, LEAVE PARTNER AND DEER IN THE WOODS
6:25 PMPICKUP BOILS OVER - HOLE SHOT IN BLOCK
6:26 PMSTART WALKING
6:30 PMSTUMBLE AND FALL, DROP GUN IN MUD
6:35 PMMEET BEAR
6:36 PMTAKE AIM
6:37 PMFIRE GUN, BLOWS UP - BARREL PLUGGED WITH MUD
6:38 PMSHIT IN PANTS
6:39 PMCLIMB TREE
9:00 PMBEAR DEPARTS - WRAP GUN AROUND TREE
MIDNIGHTHOME AT LAST
SUNDAYWATCH FOOTBALL GAME ON TV, SLOWLY TEARING HUNTING LICENSE INTO LITTLE PIECES, PLACE IN ENVELOPE AND MAIL TO GAME WARDEN WITH VERY CLEAR INSTRUCTIONS ON WHERE TO PLACE IT!